Top 10 Reasons to Hire Carl Chitwood, Jr.

1. He knows his stuff. When foreign dignitaries have important questions they usually ask 3 people. Their spouse, their advisor and Carl Chitwood, Jr.
   
   
2. He has ideas that no one else has and they always work. He once had an idea that didn't work, but the idea was to afraid to tell him.
   
   
3. His hair is so beautiful they once tried to market a shampoo and conditioner product after it, however most people's heads couldn't handle the power.
   
   
4. He can levitate 1.3 feet off the ground before he's had his morning coffee.
   
   
5. David got water from cheese, Carl got it from a rock.
   
   
6. They invented the loud speaker to compete with Carl's voice.
   
   
7. If Carl was Pluto, he'd still be a full planet.
   
   
8. Carl does not make typo's and his computer knows better than to try to correct him.
   
   
9. One time the internet crashed and Carl revived it using only his thoughts.
   
   
10. Carl finished the Mayan calendar, saving the world from certain peril.